First: A Bad News Dump User Guide
Day in and day out, we’re inundated with bad news. The Bad News Dump Newsletter allows you to ignore the week’s onslaught of Crappy Happenin’s. Take a quick cruise through our curated Best of the Worst and bang! - you’re done, just like removing a Band-Aid. 👋💀🔫
THE NEWS
...and you thought “surge-pricing” sucked
Artificial Intelligence engines in development by Uber can probably tell if you’re drunk, which will probably be used to allow drivers to opt not to pick your drunk ass up.
Democratic process 2.0
Murdered on a bus, shot through the head while taking a selfie... in total, 113 politicians have been killed in the run-up to elections in Mexico - so far. Hundreds more have backed out of races or pointedly changed policy ahead of the July 1st ballot-boxing.
[That’s 113 people we don’t have to worry about being corrupted by Mexican politics. —Ed.]
Libya? I hardly know ya
New Italian PM Matteo Salvini stuck to his right-wing guns and did not permit a boat carrying 600+ refugees rescued off the coast of Libya to anchor at any Italian port; another in a string of populist moves being made at the highest levels of European government.
Getting fucked
Syphilis rates quadrupled in the USA between 2000 and 2016; chlamydia and gonorrhea are also on the uptick. Abstinence-only sex education is partially to blame, as is a downturn in condom use attributed to misguided mindsets about hygiene and the safety of unprotected sex.
[The original definition of “slow clap.” —Ed.]
Finally, some bad news from the Middle East
Four Emirati soldiers were killed during an assault on Yemen's port city of Hudaida on Wednesday. Iran has reportedly supplied Yemeni loyalists with "weapons from assault rifles to...ballistic missiles” over the course of the three-year civil war, which has claimed more than 10,000 lives.
In case Brexit wasn’t proof enough
A range of studies throughout Europe confirm that IQ scores are falling - but not due to dysgenic fertility, as some claim. A mix of environmental factors is the theorized cause.
[Ever closer to bliss. —Ed.]
Cheer up, we got a pill for that
A study of more than 26,000 adults by the University of Illinois at Chicago found that one third of them take medication - from birth control to painkillers to antacids - that list depression or suicide as potential side effects.
Finally, some bad news from Haiti
Haiti has permanently banned UK-based charity Oxfam from operating in the country following allegations of sexual misconduct by its employees while working in the country in the aftermath of the devastating January 2010 earthquake.
Well, that was a quickie
Less than a month after Seattle approved its “head tax,” the city council voted (7-2) to repeal the measure. The tax would have applied to 585 Seattle businesses with at least $20 million in taxable annual gross income, requiring them to pay up to $500 per Seattle-based employee per year. The funds were slated to help keep reduce homelessness.
Lust for combustibles
House Republicans have unveiled a draft of a bill that would fine states that block offshore oil and gas drilling, which is fine, since Antarctica is losing ice to the ocean faster than ever recorded previously.
[These things balance each other out naturally, right? —Ed.]
...and the hair of the economically downtrodden, apparently
When it comes to extensions and wigs, those made from human hair are the most desirable, with unprocessed strands that all fall in the same direction (known as “virgin remy”) the platinum level offering. Demand far outpaces supply, which is why hair brokers often travel to regions in places like Myanmar, Ukraine, and Tunisia where disenfranchised women can be easily persuaded to sell their hair. While one company committed to ethically sourcing their product offers $100 per ponytail, the average buyer pays no more than $15 for their hair.
Some things are best left to the professionals
MVM Inc., a security contractor that lost its contract with the CIA for “lack of armed guards,” procured unauthorized weapons in Iraq, and attempted to have a racial discrimination case dismissed, is ramping up its efforts to fill positions at newly opened “shelters” for children separated from their parents for entering the US “illegally”. The outfit seems uniquely qualified to inflict trauma on a bunch of terrified kids.
… speaking of border control
The 25-year-old founder of Oculus, Palmer Luckey, has a brand new bag: Anduril Industries, which is now pitching its VR surveillance tools to the Department of Homeland Security, challenging multibillion dollar contractors Lockheed Martin and Northrop Grumann in the process. Anduril benefits not only from Luckey’s experience, but several former executives from Palantir and their lead investor being Founders Fund, a VC led by Peter Thiel.
TECH & THE ‘NET
We call it “early retirement”
The CDC reported that suicide rates are up almost 30% since 1999. Two high profile celebrity suicides within a few days of each other have dominated the headlines, cuing concerns about suicide contagion as well as the ethics of sites such as Newsweek utilizing distasteful SEO-baiting headlines to encourage an uptick in click-through metrics.
[A girl’s gotta get her clicks somewhere… —Ed.]
“Smile!”
South Korea’s largest women’s march so far occurred in Hyehwa, Seoul, where women took to the streets to protest ‘upskirting’ and other methods taking photos of women's’ genitals or underwear without their knowledge.
The practice is such a problem in the UK that a bill intended to make upskirting a criminal offense was expected to sail through Commons… but an objection from MP Sir Christopher Chope blocked the measure, per parliamentary rules. The bill was not quite the win it sounds, either. “If he doesn’t make money [from the photo] or if he did it just to share it among his friends and have a laugh, that’s not covered,” according to Durham University law professor Clare McGlynn.
Vice losing its grip
Vice Media has long over-promised and under-delivered to both its employees and investors, most-notably with their mystifying launch of a cable channel in 2016. Vice has always been a bit of a scam, but hit new lows last year when teenagers voted Vice the second-least “cool” of 122 brands in a Google survey.
[Seems legit. —Ed.]
Nikolai and Dimed
Tesla’s stock was up 7% on Tuesday, following a favorable analyst review. The gain dropped to 3% shortly thereafter, when news of the layoffs of 9% of their salaried (read: not “production associates”) employees was leaked to the media.
Finally, some bad news from China
US-based watchdog group China Labor Watch released a 94-page-report about Echo Dot speaker and Kindle e-reader manufacturer Foxconn. The nine-month investigation revealed questionable labor practices, including “excessive hours, low wages, inadequate training and an overreliance on “dispatch” or temporary workers in violation of Chinese law…” Amazon stated they noticed the issues in March, and “immediately requested a corrective action plan” - which clearly worked out splendidly.
NON-NEWS
All the Dump; None of the Trump
That’s right, kids - the man generates so much bad news, we’re all burned out on him by Monday lunchtime, so BND is 100% Trump-free! Expand your mind and learn about all the other bad news you’ve missed.
Still want a Trump fix? Vice (lol) and The Guardian have all the orange-hued blues you can handle.
Walk It Off With...
The World Cup got underway on Thursday, and while it is “just a game,” it’s also a psychosocial opportunity that, historically, brings the largest percentage of the world's population together in spirit. Enjoying it and fighting against rights abuses are not mutually exclusive; if anything, the world needs the Cup right now more than ever.
[As Bill Shankly noted: “Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.” —Ed.]
If you need something less sport-y and more feel-good puffy fluffy to get through ‘til next week, check out this Nanny Goose leading 51 goddamn adorable goslings on a lake loop in Leduc, Canada.
[That mother-flocker! —Ed.]
Your links, tips, and feedback are welcome: badnewsdump@gmail.com